This World ~ Feedback

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This World ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:46 am

Ok, here all the feedback and comments for A Story (Ok, I don't have a good name for it yet) goes.

All feedback is appreciated! I know I have made mistakes, it would be great if you point them out ;)
Seriously though, I won't bite or be mad if you tell me it's shit and I need to rewrite the entire thing, as long as you give a reason why...

Posted this because I really don't want to write a sh!t load just for it to turn out to be sh!t...

The story can be read here.

No spamming allowed in this thread! It is for feedback and comments only!

EDIT: Temporarily changed name to This World...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Thu Jan 14, 2010 12:19 pm

I'm bad at reading stuff...

This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me... :?
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Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 1:30 pm

It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Thu Jan 14, 2010 2:17 pm

One week is 7 days, Shai was using symbols... :roll:
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Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.

[Full story]
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:47 pm

Isn't seven days a little bit too long?
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:49 pm

ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?


Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...

CX gamer wrote:One week is 7 days, Shai was using symbols... :roll:


Actually, no :P

CX gamer wrote:I'm bad at reading stuff...

This story has some mild entertainment, it doesn't exactly pull me in...
But it can be just me... :?


I have the feeling you're not too fond of reading stories, especially fantasy stories :roll:
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 3:53 pm

Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?


Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...


How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:13 pm

ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?


Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...


How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o


What?
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby ForrestKeys » Thu Jan 14, 2010 4:48 pm

Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?


Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...


How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o


What?


Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Jan 14, 2010 5:10 pm

ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?


Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...


How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o


What?


Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.


Umm... Ok, sure... I think you missed the fact that they're going to a market to buy the food, in another city...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby ForrestKeys » Fri Jan 15, 2010 3:34 am

Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:
ForrestKeys wrote:It was great so far, but I can't understand why he waited about one week when he was asked to buy fireworks, ale and meat.. Weren't they going to celebrate?


Yes, they were, but half the point was also to bring along the others...


How are they going to spice up the food in just short time? :o


What?


Nothing important really.. I was thinking of the seasoning of the food. The food will not take in the lovely taste from the spices.


Umm... Ok, sure... I think you missed the fact that they're going to a market to buy the food, in another city...


Sorry, I just got lost in my own world.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Fri Jan 15, 2010 8:28 pm

Ok...

I wish Lunar was here :|
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Sat Jan 16, 2010 6:14 am

It's not that easy to summon luanr... :?
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Sat Jan 23, 2010 3:54 pm

Yes, he might not have an internet conection or something... He hasn't een read my birthday PM.

But yes, great story so far Shai.

One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Sat Jan 23, 2010 4:28 pm

keja wrote:Yes, he might not have an internet conection or something... He hasn't een read my birthday PM.

But yes, great story so far Shai.

One thing is the word vary. It's used in therenat some point and I don't know what you mean by it.


Thank you.

Hmm... I think I meant a different word, but I can't remember which... I'll fix it...

EDIT: Turns out I misspelled wary...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby atomtengeralattjaro » Sat Jan 23, 2010 6:55 pm

*waits for continuation*
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Sat Jan 23, 2010 9:29 pm

Yea, I think I need to work on that, I actually haven't written anything more ATM... But I should get around to it soon... So much to do :(
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Sun Jan 24, 2010 6:01 am

Take your time... No one likes a rushed story... ;)
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Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Sun Jan 24, 2010 10:10 am

And yet fans want a new story right away.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Sun Jan 24, 2010 5:28 pm

Fans don't want a bad story...
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