This World ~ Feedback

The collection of stories of ASDF

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby atomtengeralattjaro » Tue Jan 26, 2010 2:22 pm

fans want air..


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Ivokyuftaf6666 wrote:Awesome Site, Delievering Fun

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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Feb 04, 2010 8:32 pm

Was thinking of writing a little today... Turns out I wrote a lot :shock:

Go read and tell me what you think! :D
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Blargen » Fri Feb 05, 2010 4:34 am

If one of the planets was a giant fan in orbit of the sun... Do you think it would cool it off? :|
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby atomtengeralattjaro » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:26 am

Shai'tan wrote:Go read and tell me what you think! :D

Wooh! exciting! :D

little typos i've found:
People had ragged clothes and they all looked warily at strangers, this was were where the

"To know a city you must know all it's sides. Even the darkest once one..."
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Fri Feb 05, 2010 11:46 am

atomtengeralattjaro wrote:
Shai'tan wrote:Go read and tell me what you think! :D

Wooh! exciting! :D

little typos i've found:
People had ragged clothes and they all looked warily at strangers, this was were where the

"To know a city you must know all it's sides. Even the darkest once one..."


Thank you, your feedback is appreciated :)

Fix'd those typos, do tell me if you find more...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Fri Feb 05, 2010 12:22 pm

Good... :D
You're building up tension like a pro... 8)

Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now... :)
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Arkannine wrote:Mexico is the only country in the world in which Mexicans are born.

[Full story]
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Fri Feb 05, 2010 1:01 pm

CX gamer wrote:Good... :D
You're building up tension like a pro... 8)

Could use more alinea's though, it's too much like a big block of text right now... :)


Thank you :)

I know what you mean... I need to see if I can fix that somehow...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Fri Feb 05, 2010 4:13 pm

The return key works well for making paragraphs separate.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby ForrestKeys » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:07 pm

Will there be an S, D and F Story?
One hour a day, one day a week.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Feb 11, 2010 2:36 pm

Haha, it's not meant like that... I just called it that cause I didn't have a better title, suggestions are welcome of course...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:23 pm

Can I ask what place the story is set in? The ninja characters suggest Japan, and the the town/villages seem like rural areas, but I'd like to know if I'm wrong.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:33 pm

keja wrote:Can I ask what place the story is set in? The ninja characters suggest Japan, and the the town/villages seem like rural areas, but I'd like to know if I'm wrong.


A fictional one...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:12 pm

Okay...

It's up to my darn imagination to come up with the scenery...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Thu Feb 11, 2010 5:46 pm

Pretty much :P

I can try to explain how it all looks, but that would mean a lot more text for you to read...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby CX gamer » Fri Feb 12, 2010 5:25 am

I prefer not to know too much of the story, it's much better to discover it on the go... :)
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Fri Feb 12, 2010 10:13 am

I'm not gonna reveal any of the story before I write it, if that's what you mean... (I actually haven't thought of that much yet, just some things that I want to include)

I was more thinking of making it more detailed, including how the cities, landscape and people look for example...
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Fri Feb 12, 2010 7:28 pm

That's always a good start, but don't write anything so good you'll feel annoyed it's not published. I used to get that a lot.
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Sat Feb 13, 2010 10:14 am

:lol:

I don't think that will happen ;)
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby Shai'tan » Fri May 21, 2010 9:55 pm

Still kinda need a name for this thing... I was thinking 'This World', but it seems kinda generic and vague... Any good ideas?
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Re: A Story ~ Feedback

Postby keja » Sat May 22, 2010 6:39 pm

I like it, but it could do with an extra word. An adjective or something.
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